i started with nothing and still have most of it

I’m DONE! The only thing left in training is Graduation, and hopefully I won’t screw that up! This has honestly been the most amazing, life-altering month of my life. It is so crazy looking back to the first day and perceiving of all the people I have come to love as family as strangers. All the people who have gone through this training with me are truly (as Master Will puts it) angels and I am so honored and humbled to have gone through this journey with them. Leaving them will be so hard. It’s kind of scary leaving Omega and thinking about applying everything I learned from my beautiful, perfect teachers to “real” life. When again in my life will I begin the day with teachers as wonderful as Sharon-ji, David-ji, and Gabriella-ji giving the most astounding dharma talks or having someone as fun and loving as Jeffrey-ji making sure I’m on track? Access to such purity such is such a blessing these days.

Last night was by far one of the most joy-filled moments of my life. We took the final exam (which I did very well on) and then learned an Indian dance from a fellow trainee, Arun. He told a HYSTERICAL narrative with the dance and was great. Having the weight of practicals, tests, ICP’s and whatnot gone put everyone in the best mood and we were all dancing around like crazy. While this was going on, I realized that this is probably the only long-term goal I set for myself which I actually achieved and there are no words to describe how good that feels! That paired with being with my peers as we galloped around like children was perfection.

Today we spent the morning taking an open class with Anja and a basics class with Jules. Both were so challenging and fun that my aching, exhausted body was able to scrape up the last bit of vitality left to pull through. It was hard no to when being led by such great teachers. All my teachers here and elsewhere set the bar so high, and have given me something great to aspire to!

Where on Earth did the month go? Tonight is our final exam and tomorrow is graduation! I’ve finished both my teaching practicals and all ICP’s so this exam is my last klesha! (well I guess avidya asmita, dvesha, raga, and aphinivesha might also get in my way…gots to study any chance I get!) There is SO MUCH information that could possibly be on it, I have no idea what to study. Once again, I never thought I’d say this, but I am so thankful for the stretch of my life where I had no friends so staying in and reading yoga philosophy and theory was all I had. The one great thing about this training is it answered many questions about my past. So many things I’ve done that I have either been averted to or not sure of its purpose have really served me here. (Teaching kids gymnastics classes, learning an indo-european language, being dragged to yoga with my mom at the crack of dawn all days of summer.) I guess there is a greater plan and we have to sit back and trust the cosmic process.

Today we took a basics class which Jeffrey (which I was dreading) but it was so much fun! I learned some great way to explain basic principals that seem like common sensse to a seasoned practitioner but a beginner may not pick up on. As always, Jeffrey was hysterical and made it quite enjoyable! Master Will taught an open class right after and it was AMAZING! I learned an asana I had never done before, was inspired beyond belief to be of service to all beings, and most importantly remembered why I came here. Doing the same audio-recorded class day in and day out had really dampened my yoga spirit, but hearing such an inspirational teacher taking us to our edge snapped me out of it.

Back to studying!

The final week of training is underway! It feels like I’ve been here forever and no time at all simultaneously. So strange… It breaks my heart to think about leaving this amazing group of people. Never in my life have I had 11o people I could approach anytime about anything and have unconditional love, support, and understanding. The people I have met here are by far my greatest teachers and have revealed things about myself (good and bad) that I was completely unaware of. There are no words.

All the warm fuzzy feelings the mentors gave us at the beginning of training are slowlllyyy fading away. We have been spending most of the days teaching sequences to our mentor and small groups which has been a mixed experience. Everyone has stopped holding our hand and expects us to fully take the role of teacher, which is hard because I’ve never taught. Having to lead a class is SO much harder than it looks which gives me so much more respect and admiration for my teachers than I had coming into training. Pacing is definitely my weakness. Trying to keep a steady beat of breathing and call out sequencing at the same time is next to impossible, but I have no choice but to figure it out (quickly none the less!) Jeffery ripped me a new one about my metronome after leading the group through extended angle b&c which made me want to cry in 39 languages. I know it was all out of love and meant to make me a stronger teacher in the end.  My group says adjusting is my strong suit, which I figured since I constantly play around with my asana practice and try to find every nuance possible. I really need to work on memorizing the breath and movements so I can just focus on other things. Anyone who wants a free private lesson, let me know, I need practice!

My body is EXHAUSTED from doing the same asana sequences all day long the past two days. Luckily, I have some A.M.A.Z.I.N.G friends back in Savannah who sent me a package with sore muscle rub! Knowing I have such a strong support system back home is providing me with so much strength. Saying I’m grateful would be an understatement. I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU GUYS!!!

On a not so lighter note, the food here has made me slightly obese. Having a vegan buffet available three times a day PLUS a cafe of amazing vegan treats is not helpful in trying to keep in shape. I may be the only person in history to go to yoga camp and come home fat. I’m definitely going to leave as a pushti (nourished) yogi. Everyone can see for themselves this FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Quite and eventful past two days! Wednesday night was Mantra initiation which was the most amazingly moving/bizarre/meaningful experience of my life. It was absolutely beautiful and really enforced the idea that I am participating in something older than I could ever perceive, which is my favorite part of practicing yoga. Being a part of something so ancient comes with quite a lot of responsibility since everything I do with my practice picks up where far greater people of the past left off. I really think if we all chose to live life in honor of those who lived before us every moment would be so much more substantial and we would be in a much better place. If one thing has stuck with me in my practice, it’s that everything you do must be dedicated to something greater or you wont put forth your best effort. On an egotistical note, why do it at all if you aren’t going to do your best?

The past few nights everyone has been going up on the stage to lead the group in a chant and small dharma talk. OMG everyone who has gone up has been so inspiring! One in particular that comes to mind was by an amazing girl from Japan. She said that in America we use people’s names a lot more than in Japan (ex its common for us to say “good morning, Bob instead of just good morning.) With the biggest  smile on her face she explained that hearing her name more than usual made her feel important and above all else loved. It really drove home the idea that all we want to do is feel significant. Another girl made another a great point in her speech that every act of violence is an aggressive reaction to an unmet need. Almost every  path we chose to take in life, we imagine ending up in some kind of success which makes us feel worthy. Ultimately, this is the need we all seek, and the hardest one to fulfill.  It would be such a great thing if everything we did made us feel innately important … then no one would feel the need to search for worth outside of themselves and I’m almost 100% certain there would be peace. So all we can do is do our best to make every person we encounter feel important and loved. We can’t all travel overseas to help countries in need or end world hunger, but this is something we all can do

Well, while all the amazing people in my group gave the most meaningful speeches I have ever heard, I told the story about my mom and my recent fight. (Sorry Mom, it was all out of love!) I paired it with a chant from Patanjali’s Yoga Sutra (which I sang in my best shaky nervous voice) which states when you are firmly established in harming others, others will stop harming you.To sum it up, we got in a fight and I responded by not speaking to her, thinking it was the “peaceful” approach, when in fact it really hurt my dad since he really is affected when there isn’t peace in the family. I’m pretty sure after singing infront of 110 of my peers and teachers, there is nothing I should ever fear again. Except for what to do after training…

In my opinion the past two days of training have been filled with the most inspirational content of the entire course. Yesterday we learned about the three types of students and teachers. To sum up four hours of an amazing lecture students and teachers either motivated by the truth/goodness, narcissism/fanaticism, or manipulation/power. It was an inspirational, yet quite convicting lecture as it caused me to delve deep into my intentions and methods of practice. Of course everyone will always say they practice for Self-realization and nothing else matters but the truth is especially in the west, the ego can be a huge factor. It made me question how much I hide behind this image of “yogi” I have created for myself.  I often put so much weight on perfecting my asana practice and know that if I am particularly inspired by a teacher I will find myself imitating them, but when I can put my leg behind my head and can recite my teachers’ teachings line for line, what’s next? This is true for so much of life. It is insane how much of our daily lives are concerned with how can I be happy and how can I avoid pain with no real benevolent purpose. That night Shyam Das (an AMAZING kirtan singer we heard at Ecstatic chant) came and spoke at satsang about the ultimate dharma…which is God-realization aka yoga. Although I hear this teaching day in and day out, hearing it from a new perspective was really helpful.

And if listening to Shyamdas was not magical enough, today Lady Ruth came to teach the sutras. She is by far one of the most amazing people I have ever met. Her presence alone instantly clears your mind and gives you the burning desire to be pure and good. The moment she walked in the room, tears flooded my eyes and I was instantly reminded of the reason I practice, and why I have come to training. Initially I was embarrassed of my emotional response, but when I looked around the room, everyone was crying. That’s how pure she is. Just looking at her has the power to bring you to your knees and renounce everything you are. Just like Sharon-ji and David-ji she glows from within. Her lecture was so beautiful and simply-profound thing I have ever heard. Everything she taught was complete common sense that somehow has become next to impossible to practice in contemporary society, but her interpretation made these teachings seem so accessible and above all else magical. After the lecture, I truly felt washed clean by her words alone. I’m unspeakably grateful.

Tonight is mantra initiation which I don’t know too much about, but from what I hear it should be amazing. It will be nice to participate in a ceremony that is slightly more formal than our nightly satsangs. I even get to offer something to the altar! (A little bundle of sticks, pine needles, lichen, and bark I bundled together with a string). 

Sorry if these posts are frantic and incoherent. I’m just so exhausted and limited with time that whatever comes out of my fingers is what goes up. Love and miss you all!

The past two days since our weekend off have been a roller coaster. Ecstatic Chant was so much fun, and having time off was great. My friends and I went into Woodstock which was AWESOME! It is the cutest little hippie town imaginable…and so beautiful. (Its tucked away in the mountains and all the buildings are so colorful and quaint.) We talked with lots of hippies, and went on a treasure hunt for interesting things. The coolest thing I bought I found at a little Indian store David-ji had told me about. It’s a book called “The Atlantis Manifesto.” Only 250 copies exist and I found the first one ever printed! It’s all about how Atlantis exists inside us and will rise again. 

Going back to training the next day was  more difficult that I realized it would be…and it was clear that everyone felt that way. I think the weekend off, plus all the backbending we had been doing (which is notorious for bringing up emotions of all sorts) synergized to create a perfect storm of exhaustion and emotional upheaval. People were in tears, mentors were snapping, injuries were popping up left and right, and it was just no good. It was definitely the lowest I had felt all training. I think I came into training with my expectations a little too high for myself and need to be more patient with my teaching progression. This is a learning experience above all else, and I need to honor that. It would be great if I were ready to teach directly after training, but as one of my teachers back home put so perfectly, “Why freak out about something now that I will be studying my whole lifetime?” :) 

Now off to Satsang where I will most likely have to sing in front of 115 people…I swear after this training nothing will be able to scare me.

Peace, Love, and Blessings to All…I love and miss every single one of you!

This weekend is Ecstatic Chant Weekend at Omega which is basically like the Bonnaroo of Kirtan music. (Call and response songs intended to elevate everyone involved to a divine mood.) Singing such highly spiritually charged mantras over and over with a large group of people and such talented musicians is unbelievable! The vibrations in the room are beyond words and the sense of unity between everyone is really touching. Since we are such an international group there is usually some awkwardness in our conversation, but when we are all singing and dancing together there is none of that. Some people I swear were born mute have really opened up, and it is just so refreshing to see! I feel as if this has really driven home the idea that we are all made of sound and therefore all the same.

This weekend could not have fallen at a more perfect time since we just had our mid-term exam and two asana classes yesterday. I was not feeling too great last night mainly due to exhaustion and home sickness, but I snuck a nap in today and the kirtan music has been really healing. I’m about to go watch Sharon-ji preform with Donna De Lory (whom I have dubbed the Celine Dion of kirtan) and tonight I’m going to see Shyam Das…could not be more excited!

Hope everyone is doing well and I’ll be sure to send some of the healing vibrations your way! Hari Om!

We got done at 9:45 tonight!!! Such a blessing, I actually made it to the laundry room and made the wonderful discovery that even when the cafe is closed there is still internet outside! I’ve definitely fallen into a routine which is helpful but every moment is still a mad dash or jam-packed with information.

A few funny things did happen today. I’ve been noticing themes throughout the day that seem to pop into my routine randomly. Today Gabriella-Ji gave a beautiful lecture on Karma and read from the Bhagavad Gita. One of the main things we took away from the lecture was to renounce the fruits of your actions. For the rest of the day, random acts of fruit-related things kept happening. For example, in the morning I literally renounced a piece of fruit and gave an orange to someone. Later in the day I drew a picture of Sharon-ji and David-ji’s guru Shri Brahmananda Sarasvati on a banana and dubbed him Shri Sarafruity Brahmanana…(what a lucky banana!) I think random acts of fruit should definitely be a daily occurrence.

Another crazy thing that happened related to vegetarianism which we have been studying closely the past two days. In the cafe, a lady was complaining about how she “missed her protein” here at Omega since it is a vegetarian campus. My friend Cortney turned to her and noted that there is tofu in the cafeteria, which is protein. From the other end of the line I turned and told her that as long as she gets all the amino acids she’ll be fine. (She did not take our suggestions so graciously, but thats besides the point.) Right after that in lecture, Sharon-ji told us to practice role-playing a vegetarian conversation with someone. It was pretty trippy. The lecture was so inspiring. Sharon-ji really showed how noble she was when talking about the title of her book. It’s called “Yoga and Vegetarianism” and by vegetarianism she means a completely plant-based diet. What is now known normally as “vegan”. Originally vegetarianism did mean vegan, but society has flipped it to suit their needs so the term vegan needed to be invented. Instead of succumbing to that and possibly perpetuating the wheel further, she chose to stick with the term vegetarianism. To me that is the sign of such strength, to care so deeply about a cause that she wants to reverse what has been done.

There are so many interesting things we learn throughout the training its hard to share them all, but one thing that I’ve been really touched by recently is how modern science has cut people and animals open, conducted countless experiments, and studied endlessly trying to figure out how our bodies worked when the ancient yogis just knew. In our world today it seems so impossible to be that connected to our bodies that we innately know how every single breath pattern will control the mind and how certain postures can bring about results of cosmic proportions. I hope this inspires everyone to really look inside and try to connect with themselves…really know yourself. How awesome would it be to wake up, know exactly how you felt, and understood what needed to be done to ensure you felt your best. CRAZY!